Two Steps Forward, but Still One Back...

I have been feeling much much better lately. Thank God! The physical realities of the miscarriage were short, intense and overwhelming, but short in terms of number of days actually going through it. The emotional side is getting better.

In fact yesterday I was having a really good day. T and E (the little girl I watch during the day) were happy, I was being productive, and my emotions were fairly calm :)

And then... I read a post on a board and I was in tears again. It was a happy post. The Duggars (for those who aren't familiar with them they are a quiverfull family with a multitude of children) are pregnant with their 18th child. James and I had joked about us having 18 children so that we would have one more than the Duggars before because people are always asking us what our upper limit is (we don't have one is the actual answer, as many as God gives is how many children we will have). Reading that she was pregnant again, due at the very same time I thought I was released some emotion in me. I am very happy for them, a baby is always a blessing... I'm just sad for what isn't going to be for us at the end of the year/beginning of 2009.

The steps forward have been so encouraging, I guess I still need to work on accepting the steps back as they come. Emotions are a funny (and sometimes not so funny!) thing...

~faith

Different paths

I am meant to be a mother. I always was. I grew up knowing I was supposed to have many children, and knew they'd come into my life in more than one way. J and I are discussing adoption still (we have been since before we were living together). There is a huge push in our area for more foster and foster-adopt parents as the need outweighs by far the amount we have. So we are going to go to the next information meeting, I just have to find out when that is.

I feel a sense of peace about this. Adoption isn't better or worse than pregnancy as a route to our children. It is one of the right choices for our family. I am excited to see the possibilities that are in front of us, which is a much better frame of mind than I have been in the last few days.

We are going to continue to leave our fertility up to God. However our next child is meant to come into our lives we are open to it.

~Faith